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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?